I've been waiting a long time to write this post, and now the words aren't coming so easily to me. Isn't it weird how that happens?
Over the past year, I've made it no secret that I have not been doing well as a stay-at-home-Ima. Don't get me wrong - I'm great at the job. We sing songs, bake together, do crafts, and learn our alef-bet. But while my kids have been growing and learning, I've been suffocating. In one of my check-ins, I wrote this:
"I need to get back to work. Yesterday. I need to wear high heels and do my hair every day. I need to have conversations with grownups, conversations that do not include even a mention of playdates, stomach flus, preschool, or poop. I need to use the skills that make me feel engaged and alive, because I am dying here."
Well, I'm so SO excited to let you all know that, by the grace of God and some creative thinking, I get to go back to work as Director of Religious Life at Ohio State Hillel. The position has changed in some major respects, mostly that it is now part-time. I was kind of upset about it at first, but now I'm kind of excited that it will offer me the flexibility many Imas dream of - one day a week out of the office, and summers and breaks completely off. An emphasis on time management and using the absolute best of my skills to the fullest potential.
My writing for pleasure project (Yes, it's a book. Yes, I'm still slightly embarrassed. No, you can't read it. Unless I said you can.) doesn't have to go on the backburner, because I have that one day a week to really dive into it. The kids will be in daycare five full days a week (can I get a "HALLELUYAH?") meaning that I'll have even more time to work on it, plus the free hours to do some personal career development, whether that means Jewish writing, volunteering at another organization, or taking CPE classes.
My heart is full. Things will still not be easy - I'm still responsible for running the household - but I think I'll feel so, SO much more fulfilled. More like myself. Able to be a better Ima because of it. I still have the whole summer at home with the kids ahead of me, and I already feel more optimistic and energized, just because I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for your encouragement on this, Imas. It's going to be a whole new adventure.
Oh, right! We still have to check in.
In light of this news, I've been really enjoying summer.
The kids are taking random mid-morning naps on the couch, and it doesn't even bother me.
Nesyah is LOVING the putzie pool.
We eat watermelon, ice cream, or cookies on the porch after dinner and wait for Abba to come home every day.
(the kids were dressed up for a shoot here, so it's an inaccurate representation. But still cute.)
We check on our baby birds before morning walks, and ohmygoodness they are SO cute. And getting too big for their nest. *sniff*
(No, we don't ever touch them, or get very near them at all. Yes, we've seen their Ima bird bring them meal after meal, even after we've snuck a peek.)
I'm still working on a tight-ish deadline on my writing project, and I'm still only halfway through a first-pass edit. (The good news is that the first draft is finally finally DONE and I have some great readers giving me good critique.) But some things will be getting stashed in closets this week, laundry will go ignored, and the children will eat whatever they can find in the fridge for breakfast. (This morning, for example, was the last of Thursday's pizza. Eek.)
What about you, Supers? What's doing this week? How are you going to bring some joy, sanity, or rest into your life, and what has to slide to make it happen?
I am so, so grateful to each of you for being here, and for sharing every week with me. You are just the best.
You are doing an incredible job. (((HUGS))))
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1 hour ago
Congratulations on the new job! It sounds perfect for you. I went through the same thing after spending about eighteen months as a SAHM, before I found my KU job. Four days a week, summers off is just about perfect.
ReplyDeleteOnce I heard Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Supreme Most-Super of the Super-Imas) speak about raising her children while building her career. She said work was her respite from home, and home was her respite from work. She found her way to be awesome, and so will we.
Wow, it's Sunday already! I'm sooo sooo sooo happy for you and your job. That's so exciting, thrilling, and rewarding for you. Man, "going back home" for you and your mishpocha means more than just moving back to the city that you love and want to be in. I want to hear more about it, more about the job, and all of that good stuff.
ReplyDeletePS: I know I still owe you feedback. I read it all last weekend, I love it, but I want to read it again and give you feedback. I'll work on it tomorrow. :)