Sunday, September 18, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: I Tried, Friends...

Before you read my epic (perhaps final?) check-in - go visit my friends Amanda, who is understandably mourning the end of "The Hunger Games" series, and Shannon, who's hoping to add a bit of structure to structureless afternoons this week.

Okay, supers. I tried.

It's been a really tough few weeks, housework wise.

David's working nonstop. Nonstop. He doesn't sleep.

So of course I'm doing all the housework. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, picking up. Trash removal. All of it. It's a little less since the kids aren't home all day, but there's still at least one load of laundry every day, cooking and serving for three meals a day (gotta prep lunches!) and then cleaning up, both the kitchen and the living room. If I have to look at one more pot or pan, to cook with it or to clean it up afterwards, I'm going to throw it across the kitchen.

There are three baskets of clean laundry that have been sitting in my bedroom for as long as nine days, and I can't bring myself to put them away. I just can't. I already vaccuumed the carpet twice today and I can't do it again. Cannot.

And this space right here? This sweet blog that I started so optimistically, certain that I could be good at anything if I tried hard enough, even housewifery?

I kind of hate it now.

My escape has been writing. I don't know how long it'll last, but I'm really trying to make a go of this publication thing. And I love the writing blog, and especially the writing itself, and everything that goes with it. I'm excited to blog there three times a week, and to lose sleep over a new story.

But over here? When I realize it's Sunday, this check-in feels like a chore. And that is SO not the point.

So, I think this is going to be my last check-in, if not forever, at least for now. At least till I no longer start seething when I think about having to clean the kitchen and do dishes for the second or third time in one day. As long as I don't feel like I'm suffocating when I look at any laundry, anywhere.

I love you all for following me for this long. Truly. I hate being a quitter. But this is something I just have to quit.

Want to share your plans for the week, one last time?
You're doing an incredible job. Always did. Keep on keepin' on.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: Things are Looking Up, Ima-Wise

Hi everyone! Before you read my first positive check-in in about a year, run over to visit my Wisconsin bestie Amanda, (no, I've never met her. So?) who remembers where she was ten years ago on September 11.  Then run over to visit Shannon, who's had a killer week. And not in the best way (but not in the worst either.) Go give her a hug.

So, I've been back in the office for six working days, and away from the full-time Ima gig (which is really much MORE than full time, even more than double full time, if you're keeping track) for THREE WEEKS now.

And things are looking up, Ima-wise.

If I'm being honest, my most urgent goal in going back to work was to keep myself from hating my children.

Yeah. I said it. It's true. When the weekend hit, whenever David wasn't working (which is like half the weekend anyway) and sometimes when he wasn't, I wanted nothing more than to get away from the children. Usually, the house too. I couldn't stand to be there, couldn't stand to look at them or it or the dishes or the laundry.

But this Shabbos morning? The weather was beautiful and the children were suddenly somehow very sweet to love and touch and hold and play with. And so I said,

"Who wants to go apple picking?"


So we went. And it ruled.


Yes, there was disobedience. Yes, there were tantrums. Yes, they smeared my kitchen with cholent and littered the carpet with challah crumbs when we got home. But I didn't really mind that much.

And that's how I know I'm doing better.

So, that's it for my check-in. Now for the week's plans.

This is our busy season at work. For a normal rabbi, September-October is insane because of High Holidays, a month literally packed full of pretty intense holiday prep and celebration, services and sermons. But I'm a CAMPUS rabbi (woot woot, Go Bucks!) and so on top of the High Holidays is also spirit week for the sororities, then Welcome Week, then the first week of classes. So I can't really take the next two weeks to concentrate exclusively on prep for services, and I actually can't even rest my voice. At all.

That means that I definitely, definitely don't have much time to write.  But I owe it to myself to do a little something I love every day, so I'm shooting for 250 words a day. That's one page.

In order to do it, I'm letting go of a few things. First, my fantasy that I'm actually going to make and send Rosh HaShanah cards this year. Let's just say it now. I'm not. I'm relaxing on dinner, like I did last week when I sinus infection tried to kill me (the Z-Pac my doctor gave me won, thanks for asking.) We ate spaghetti most nights and no one cried. Not too much, anyway.

Oh, and I'm not folding laundry either, but that's kind of normal now.

My sweet supers, how are you? What are your plans to bring some sanity into your life this week, and how are you going to make it a priority?

You're all doing an amazing job. I'm so proud of you.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-In: Gonna Be Fast

Hey my sweet supers! Before you read my short-and-sweet check in, run over to visit SuperLady Amanda who asked herself: "!?!?!?!" today. She's going through a few life changes and feeling a bit discombobulated. Then go visit Shannon, whose kid runs from fun splash pads like my kids hold their ears and scream at fun kid concerts. Yeah.

So, here at the Kopans Bayit, this was the first week of what will hopefully be the road to Reconstruction. I use this post-war term not lightly - the last year of me being a stay-at-home mom was pretty devastating. I started back at work on Thursday, and I'm just gonna say it - I feel useful for the first time in a year and a half. And I know what you're going to say: "But you fed children! Kept a peaceful house! Blogged like a MoFo! Wrote a book!" Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

It's irrational, this need to work, in the world. To feel indispensable. To feel like I'm filling a role most other people couldn't fill.

So, even though the house is a D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R, I already feel better.

I'm still feeling pretty wishy-washy about this blog, to be honest. I've thought of about five blog posts I really *should* do over here, about how we cope with being a two-working-parents family, organizationally, food wise, etc, but I just...haven't. Haven't written them. Haven't given enough of a you-know-what about the ultra-healthy granola bars I made for my kids' breakfasts, or how I organize their outfits for each week.

Maybe I need to give myself some time to start feeling positive IN ANY WAY about anything that has to do with keeping children and home.

 Maybe I'm momentarily super extra exhausted and it'll pass in a month or so.

Anyway. This week I've got some home goals - work on getting the house cleaner before we leave each day. I hate coming home to a messy house. I'm going to sacrifice sitting on my butt with a cup of coffee for ten minutes in the morning - ten minutes can go a long way when you're focused.

What about you, any of my dear supers still reading? How are you getting along? What are your goals for the week, and what are you doing to make them happen?

You are doing such an awesome job. Really. Hugs to all of you.
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