Hello, dear friends.
(image from Kimberly Taylor images)
This morning I grabbed a container of yogurt with grape nuts for breakfast. I was running off to teach Hebrew school, and really wanted a disposable spoon so that I wouldn't have to remember to bring a real spoon back in from the car (yes, I'm that lazy. What?) We didn't have a spoon, but we had a ton of forks we had left from what we
I thought it would be okay. I thought the fork would be good enough to use to eat the yogurt, if not ideal. The yogurt is substantial enough to be lifted by the fork.
What I found was, I could eat most of the yogurt with the fork. It took a little longer and a little more effort than I would have liked, but I was still able to eat most of it without too much a problem. But there were still glops of yogurt that fell through the cracks of the fork. They gathered in the corners of the container, and the tines of the fork were really horrible at scraping them out. And so some yogurt inevitably stayed in the cracks of the container, and I couldn't get it out. Not unless I wanted to use my finger, or lick the darn thing.
It's been a tough week. My life is good, and I am fortunate. We have enough money and we all have our health. We love one another. But I am doing my job - mothering, housekeeping - with a fork instead of a spoon. There is no passion in me for a fourteen hour workday of keeping the children and house, with occasional middle-of-the-night duties as well. The effects of the edges being left, languishing in the bottom of the container, are beginning to wear on me.
(I love my children to the ends of the earth and with all that I have, but that is very different than loving wiping their bottoms and noses all day long. But I think we've established that.)
So, I've realized, that I need to make a way to find the fork work. For now, at least. Maybe there is a lesson, or at least some grace, to be found in being forced to leave a little bit of yogurt in the bottom, never to be eaten. Maybe there is some philosophy, or some therapy, that will help me not mind missing the little bit of yogurt stuck in the bottom quite so much.
Over the next few weeks, I should have a clearer picture of what will need to happen for me to not hate the fork so much for not doing such a great job that I want to snap it at the neck, hurl it across the room, and give up yogurt forever. I am going to work towards it. I have to.
***Leaving overreaching analogy land***
In terms of my goals, this week pretty much kicked butt. I am now officially declaring myself in the homestretch of my writing-for-pleasure project; about three-quarters of the way to my word-count goal, and I am feeling pretty good.
I am adding to my SuperIma goal for the week. Over the past few weeks, things have been emotionally stressful here at the Kopans bayit (and I hope I can share why with you soon, if all goes as I would like.) I've been eating like I do when I'm pregnant (ALTHOUGH I AM NOT PREGNANT I ASSURE YOU) - whatever I want, whenever I want.
I was doing okay with losing my baby weight. At 12 lbs above my goal, I relaxed a little. The problem is, over the past two weeks, I've relaxed a lot. So much so that I'm now 13-14 lbs over my goal. Um....oops?
So, partly inspired by Shannon's return to Weight-Watchers, I'm going to be considering this this week: What is best for me is maybe not what I WANT RIGHT NOW OMIGOD GIVE ME THAT CHOCOLATE. What is best for me is to keep going with my commitment to myself to get back in fighting shape. Because if I can't have a job, I can at the very least be sexy. Even if that means eating a lot of fruit, whole grains, and yogurt. With a fork.
So, what about you, SuperImas? How did you do on your goals for the last week, and what are you looking at for the week ahead?
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Leigh Ann, even though your post tells of frustrations...your style of writing is so energetic! I think I would have passionately broke that fork in half and flung it as hard as you can fling a plastic utensil, lol...
ReplyDeleteFeeling motivated by others, I started the 30 Day Shred today while DD had a little screen time and DH/DS were out of the house. I would have done it during her nap but it finally warmed up enough to make a long walk enjoyable, so she napped while I walked the dogs around a nearby lake and schmoozed with a visiting relative. I've been feeling like a blob and succumbing to every craving, and with warmer temps in the no-longer-so-distant future, I need to need to need to get a handle on my handles. For my own sanity. So glad I did.
ReplyDeleteBTW, The Shred kicked my butt.
Have you talked with your doctor about how you're feeling? Someone close to me recently had a hard time appreciating all of the things that - objectively speaking - are good in life. The doctor suggested St. John's Wart. Major improvements in attitude. Nothing else has changed at all, just the feeling of being completely at a loss. It's a start.
Ladies!~
ReplyDelete@Rain - thank you. That does make me feel good.
Stephanie - Glad to hear you are motivated too! I have been feeling like a blog as well - perfect way to put it.
I am seriously considering hte Shred. And St. John's wort. Thank you. :)
Aww, I love Overreaching Analogy Land! I go there a lot.
ReplyDeleteIn order to forgo turning your blog into my own personal pity party, I will save my long comments for an email that hopefully I'll have time to write you later this week.
ReplyDeleteI will say that I get it, and that you're not alone, and I really really do hope that all settles into a wonderful something that makes that fork work for you, and soon.
*chuckle* got a big kick out of your overreaching comment. Still hoping spring and the sun will help lift your spirits.
ReplyDeleteAny chance of taking a night class to feed your brain? (If my brain doesn't have enough to chew on, it chews on me. You may be the same. Hope that makes sense & doesn't offend!)
Meantime, feeling like a caged animal has nothing to do with whether you love your husband and kiddos. In other words, you're entitled to vent!
@Hal - Thanks hon. Want to chat via phone?
ReplyDelete@Dmarie - THat would be a good idea, I think, if the reason that I'm so upset much of the time is that I busted my butt in grad school for 5 years full time and now I'm not even using my degree. Thinking about school just makes me angry. But it is a good idea! You're the best.