Sunday, May 8, 2011

SuperIma Sunday Check-in: Ima's Day

*Sigh*  Ima's Day is always so hard on me.  I know that some people have a really wonderful relationship with their mothers, and other people don't.  And it always makes me really wonder - what does it take to be a good mother?

 I mean, on Mother's Day, I always think about how I've done so much for my kids - gestating and giving birth to them, for starters, and then feeding them and keeping them clean and ALIVE each and every day. And sometimes entertained.  But then I think that all those things are really something I *have* to do, not something that it's awesome that I did.

How do I make sure that I have a really strong, lasting relationship with my kids?  If I really get to thinking about it, words like, "trust," "respect," "involvement," and "dependability" knock around in my head, but that fails to answer the questions of "What if they do something I hate?" or "What if I don't like them?" or, maybe worst, "What if we just don't get along?"  I'm pretty sure parenting means I'm supposed to do all those lofty things I just mentioned anyway, but oh my G-d, it is so, SO hard.  I know.  I've seen it happen.

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm sure it would all be a lot easier if I wasn't 1. Exhausted and 2. Resentful.  I had two big dreams for this Mother's Day.

Dream #1 - No one would ask me about food for the entire weekend.  For example:  "Leigh Ann, do we have food for the kids?" (translation - Leigh Ann, please prepare and serve lunch to the children, after you've made sure they all wash their hands with soap and water and are sitting quietly at the table.) or: "Hon, what were our plans for dinner?" (translation - What are you planning to cook/have already cooked for me to heat up.)
Reality #1 - I worked all week to get food ready for the weekend, but still had to potchken over at least two meals a little bit.  Also, I prepped and packed breakfast for this morning (for David's mother) and am gearing up to cook dinner for this evening (because David is swamped with a last minute project.)

Dream #2 - No one would ask me about clothing for the entire weekend.  For example:  "Leigh Ann, do we have clothes for the kids?"  Translation: "Leigh Ann, please locate and assemble appropriate and clean outfits for all three of the children, and bring them here, so I can dress/play with one of them while you dress two."
Reality #2 - I've already done two loads of laundry and retrieved three separate clothing items.

Now, I'm not full-on complaining.  David gave appropriate respect to Mother's Day this year, and treated my camera (to a new lens) and my right hand (to that daughter's ring I've been wanting to go with my two sons' rings.)  And people have said "Happy Mother's Day," and I've gotten cards.  And yesterday I got to leave the house for a whole morning to do some writing.  (Yes, I did have to do damage control before and after.)

Also, one of the blogs I follow posted this:\


I was sitting on a bench
while in a nearby mall,
When I noticed a young mother
with two children who were small.

The youngest one was whining,
"Pick me up," I heard him beg
but the mother's face grew angry
as the child clung to her leg.

"Don't hang on to me," she shouted
as she pushed his hands away,
I wish I'd had the courage
to go up to her and say...

"The time will come too quickly
when those little arms that tug,
Won't ask for you to hold them
or won't freely give a hug."

And SERIOUSLY?  I know it's supposed to make me appreciate my kids more, but it just made me feel SHAMED for not wanting to pick my kids up sometimes.  Because I'm sure, like me, that that poor mom in the mall had been up since 5 AM and had already picked up her kid five million times that day.  And she probably also hugged and kissed and loved on him too, but that one judgmental lady in the durn shopping mall wanted to butt in and tell her how to be a good mom. 

This is all very disjointed, and I guess it's just an emotional day for me for a lot of reasons.  If any of you has any thoughts on any of this stuff, I'd love to hear them.  Unless you're telling me to stop complaining and go be a mother instead of writing this post.  Then I'll delete you, because it's my blog and I can do what I want.

Oh, right!  We still have to check in.

Well, we're moving this week (!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so it's going to be all about organizing and planning, making arrangements for people to sit with the kids so I can unpack (oh, luxury!) etc.

Also, I have to finish my book.  But who cares about that?  It's just a silly thing I'm doing.  What's really important is that we have clothes for the kids.

I'm going to try to shower every day this week.  I think that's the best I can do.

What about you, SuperImas?  How has your week been?  What are your goals for self care this coming week?  What are you going to be more relaxed about to let it happen?


You're doing an incredible job, Supers.  Keep on keepin' on, everyone.


(Also, please go visit Shannon and Blessed Little Bird, two of my most favorite ladies in the whole wide midwest, who checked in even before I did this week.  Love you two!)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

(The requisite 2011 Ima's Day shot.  I had to swap heads to achieve a shot where Ashi wasn't glaring too much, and Rami wasn't screaming at the horror of sitting on my lap and being asked to smile.  But then they gave me kisses and it was okay.)

10 comments:

  1. You're doing great, too, Super Ima! Can't wait to have you closer again! SO excited that it's this week already (as, I'm sure, are you)!!!
    xoxox

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  2. As I said on my blog, I have had to sort of lower my expectations about Mother's Day to keep from being disappointed. I would love if I had really gotten a delicious breakfast in bed, but instead I got up with Nathan and got pestered until we forced Bill out of bed at 10:30. Then we had a picnic lunch which I prepared/cleaned up after, and during which Bill refused to eat the sandwich I made because I used creamy peanut butter instead of chunky, and Nathan maybe didn't eat anything, and both of them spent the lunch trying to kill wasps. But I did get to ride my bike for an hour and take a nap, and I think maybe that's the best a mom can expect.

    That thing about the mall is a load of crap. The older woman in the poem probably just forgot about all the hard parts of having small children. I think there are people in the world who finds these kinds of poems/sayings/whatever inspirational, and there are people like me (and probably you) who just over-analyze them and get more worried.

    As for imparting important values like respect or integrity, I have to tell myself that those things come later when the kids are older. When they're little it's more about keeping them alive so they can learn those lessons in the future.

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  3. You're doing great, you're doing awesome. And that poem makes me sad, and I'm not even an ima yet... Seriously... AND you're book is not a silly thing you're doing... although the kids probably need to be wearing SOMETHING but a diaper is enough so you can finish the next chapter. I won't tell :)

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  4. I totally agree, there are days when if one more child touches me, let alone hangs on me it's all I can do to not lose it. I know the heart break of losing a child, but some days no matter how much you love your kids, you just want some personal space. I too struggle with Mother's Day. I have a hard time finding the equilibrium of maintaing our frugrality and wanting to be a little spoiled added with May 9th being the day I delivered my stillborn son. I told my family all I wanted for Mother's Day was a clean house (and really meant it!) but alas that didn't not happen. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for myself this week, I'm still trying to figure that out. My older daughter is done with school in two weeks and while I am looking forward to having some quality time with her, I'm also anxious about what I'm going to do with two little girls for 12 weeks.

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  5. Thanks, ladies. Thank you so much. (If nothing else, it helps to hear I'm not crazy for resenting poems like that.)

    @Danielle. (((HUGS)))) I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and hoping you're able to find some peace.

    @Amanda. Diapers = check. (Although, one day this week, a half hour went by when NO ONE had anything covering his or her bottom. Except me.)

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  6. These photographs are gorgeous! What camera (and lens do you use)? Love your site!! Found it through Kosher on a Budget.

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  7. A bit unrelated as I just stumbled upon your blog... but it is so encouraging for me to find a Jewish homemaking blog from a rabbi, no less! I look forward to following you (how do I follow you on blogspot? Cannot find the button anywhere :)). If you're interested, feel free to check out my (sometimes Judaism-related) lifestyle/spirituality/photography blog.

    Bivrachah,
    This Good Life

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  8. Your blog is inspiring! My lack of frugality is going to kill my husband and I if I don't stop. My challenge = 10 days on 10 dollars. I need to learn to be more frugal.

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Thanks for your comments! They make my day.

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