Yeah, you know what happens next.
You wake up and there is LITERALLY NO (new) SNOW ON THE GROUND. What the hell, weatherman???? (I know I'm yelling but it's my blog, which is literally the only place I can do whatever I want, and I'm going to do it.) WTF George Waldenberger?
I know, I was too hasty. I called the snow day in my head waaaay before I should have. And I don't actually mind going to Hebrew school on Sunday mornings - at the very least, I get to wear real (ish) clothes, and all the little children learning their Hebrew letters warms my heart. But I had already mentally given myself three extra hours, man! And now there's no snow.
In case you can't tell, I've been stewing over this since I woke up about an hour ago. I just now stopped with my Very Important Procrastinating to actually write this post, just as my children started literally banging on their bedroom door and shrieking like monkeys to
What? We're supposed to do a check-in? Right.
You guys, it's been a bad week. I baked and cooked and cleaned and completed preschool worksheets and sang songs and built forts and did dances and sat in birds' nests and supervised painting projects and planted bean sprouts for Tu B'Shvat with a smile plastered across my face. My sweet friend Gevura told me to "fake it till I make it," which is advice I've actually heard shrinks give people who are clinically depressed, so I've been faking it here. Bigtime. But for some reason, this week I am just in a huge slump. I'm so, so sad. I
I need to get back to work. Yesterday. I need to wear high heels and do my hair every day. I need to have conversations with grownups, conversations that do not include even a mention of playdates, stomach flus, preschool, or poop. I need to use the skills that make me feel engaged and alive, because I am dying here.
On a happier note! I'm doing an awesome job at my writing for pleasure, and it is giving me some feeling of accomplishment. Even though the full time work I used to do makes my heart sing an opera, this writing is making it sing little ditties, and sometimes even enthusiastic showtunes. So that's something. Here's my day-by-day count.
(date, word count for the day, total word count.)
I hinted at my goal for the week earlier in this post - it's to stop with the procrastination already. Why it's necessary for me to refresh my Facebook newsfeed 20 times and post "lol" and "<3" on twenty friends' pages before actually writing anything of substance is beyond me. I actually disconnected from the internet for about an hour yesterday and it helped immensely. Hopefully I can move my daily wordcount to over a thousand this week, since it was just under last week.
Last week I only vaccuumed every other day, and we had leftovers for dinner one night and stew from the freezer another night. And no one died. So I'm okay with just saying I'm going to let things slide a little bit, because I've confident in my ability not to sabotage myself.
Before I call for you ladies to submit your accomplishments, slacking ambitions, and goals for the next week, I want to give a huge shoutout to my bloggy friend Shannon. She did something incredible for herself this past week that took a lot of hard work and self confidence, and even though I don't know know her, I was so excited and proud. She already posted about her next big goal, and I'm so inspired! (Even though you will not catch me doing a triathalon under any circumstances, Yay Shannon!)
What about you, SuperImas? Check in! XOXO and love from me.
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I'm not a super-Ima, but I'm sending you a big hug anyway!
ReplyDeleteI haven't checked in a few weeks, because I'm also feeling discouraged. Between snow, wind, and a coyote in the neighborhood, I haven't had a walk in at least 2 weeks. I'm missing business suits and nice shoes also. I think about going back to work, but I don't even know where to start. I have a law degree, but I'm not licensed in the state where we live and I'm not sure I can face the bar exam at this point in my life.
ReplyDeleteWe've been in the Denver metro area for over 4 years now and I don't feel anymore connected to the Jewish Community here than I did 4 years ago and it's not from lack of trying. I so feel your angst, being a stay at home mom is hard work! It can be very isolating and without acknowledgement of all the good you do. I said to my husband the other day that sometimes I miss performance reviews, because at least once a year some one points out your accomplishments! My advice after being a stay-at-home mom for almost 7 years (yikes) if it's making you this unhappy maybe you should consider picking up some more work if it's available. If you're happy your kids will be happy too, even if you're not with them as much. I went back to work for a about 2 years when my oldest was about 2 and then stopped again after my youngest was born. I don't think she's any worse for wear. I hope things pick up for you!
I think my pledge for myself is to start working out at the rec center. I checked out the babysitting room and it wasn't too bad, so either during the day with Gillian or in the evenings after my husband gets home. We talked about it and he said we'll find the money for it and that I should really do it for myself. Here's to a better week for us both!
hmmnn, consider this RX: fish oil, vitamin D, morning walks & evening play dates with grown-ups...no kids allowed. Staying home with kiddos is the hardest job in the world, so hope you find some time to take care of you and chase away the so SADs.
ReplyDeleteI, too, would recommend fish oil. I use Green Pasture's fermented Cod Liver Oil with butter oil and I love it. It's got lots of vitamin A and D, along with vitamin K, and that helps me to not get so sad during the winter. I've only been taking since early January but I really do notice a difference.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of expensive, but it's a high quality product. Fermenting the oil makes the vitamins more available for your body to use, and the vitamin K from the butter oil does the same thing. It's also one of the only brands not to heat their oils, which preserves the vitamins better.
You really are a SUPER Ima, I hope you feel better soon. I am looking forward to the time when I can be a SAHM, but it's posts like these that remind me there are bad things about it, too (rats), so I need to take everything with a grain of salt.
Hopefully you will be feeling your normal self soon enough, but do schedule adult time or it will never happen. Do you have neighbors or family close by who would exchange babysitting nights so you can have date night with your DH or girl's night with friends?
Good luck!
I just want to say that I am here. And I will take you to Starbucks. Or we can put our kids in babysitting at Matt Ross and sit in their hearth room and gab for 45 minutes until the "counselors" find us.
ReplyDeleteOh, and P.S. Gevura is right. But when you literally don't have the energy to fake it, then change is called for.
ReplyDeleteLadies! Thank you all so much for your love and support. I will look into fish oil, at this point I will try anything.
ReplyDelete@Amanda thanks for hugs. :)
@Mom of 3 sorry to hear about your lack of walks (and your coyote, YIKES!) Jewish connection is somethign that's always hard, especially for hte introverted.
Better week, AHOY
A big two-days-too-late THANK YOU for the shout-out! I really appreciate it. And I just want to note that it's an INDOOR triathlon, which means the swimming is in a pool, and the biking/running is machine-based. And I'll probably walk a lot of the treadmill part.
ReplyDeleteI have definitely done a lot of "fake it 'til you make it." I think I was more-or-less doing that for the entirety of 2008.
You are doing awesome, though! Seriously, worksheets? You know when the last time I busted out a worksheet was? Umm, back when I was being paid to teach, which means NEVER as a parent. So that's awesome of you.