SuperIma Sunday Check-in: Inagural Edition

My post about being a SuperIma came straight from my heart on a particularly bad day.  It was inspired by another blog post I read on my Google reader, and when I tried to find the exact post, by Reader navigation skills failed me. I looked for half an hour so now I give up.  But I presume that mother would forgive me.

Anyway.  The number of comments that post received was, to be honest, record breaking here at the Frugal Ima.  (6 comments!  and none of them were mine!)  Each of them choked me up.  As I read them, here's what I was thinking:
1.  I am not alone.
2. I am not alone.
3. I am not alone.
4. I am not alone.
5. I am not alone.
6. I am not alone.

Wow.  What a relief.

This change from full-time working Ima to full-time stay-at-home Ima has been a difficult adjustment to navigate, in more ways than one.  In fact, I think I haven't been so much navigating it as resisting it, ignoring it, weeping about it, and being angry about it.  For me, the switch is complicated by a few things (which are totally whiny and you don't have to read them unless you really want to know):

1.  I am a perfectionist.  Any job I have, I want to do well.  So, actually, I have noticed myself being obsessed with being a perfect stay-at-home mom.  This post and your responses made me realize "perfect" is very different for this job than in any other job. At my old job, my supervisor would meet with me once a week, ask me how planning for a program was going, or how many students I had met with.  We would (partly) define my success and progress that way.  When you're a stay-at-home parent, every benchmark of success is relative and mostly self defined, making "perfect" a moving target.  I won't get an evaluation until my kids are my age.  From the lady wishing her rabbinical school would just give out letter grades like a normal school (LOVE YOU RRC!!!!), this is a huge, almost devastating change.


2.  I don't like this job.  I just don't. I like my kids, and G-d knows I LOVE MY KIDS, but I enjoyed them 100 times more when I was working full-time.  That's the simple truth.


3.  "Help" is Expensive.  Even if I want to hire someone to watch the kids a few hours a week so I can catch a break, or send out David's shirts to be pressed, or get a house cleaner, the weekly dollars add up.  We lost our entire emergency savings account when we had to (essentially) short-sell the house, and we're aggressively saving to build it back up as quickly as possible.  It's tough for the Frugal Ima to justify hiring someone to help me do a job that I don't get paid for (yeah, I get paid in kisses and love, but they don't pay the bills.)


4.  I am an introvert.  I've always hated parties, and don't especially enjoy being out of the house. I feel "recharged" after some quiet time at home as opposed to connecting with other people.   All the things that are supposed to help stay-at-home parents adjust - "Getting out" and "meeting people" - are pretty much the most arduous things I can imagine doing.  It's not that I don't like the other parents who stay at home - it's just envisioning the stress of getting everyone ready to leave the house (including myself! Because those who truly know me know all about my Hermione hair...) When you are a stay-at-home parent, being an introvert is really tough because you have a deep need to be at home but at the same time OMG home is your JOB now, and fills you with stress, because you don't even know if you're doing a good job at your job (see point 1)  and.....yeah.  You can imagine.

I haven't quite worked out how to address each of those challenges yes, but I do know one thing.  This past week, when I had the stomach flu on Thursday and Friday, I mostly laid on the floor moaning.  The laundry didn't get folded and the kitchen floor wasn't swept.  But when my little boy wanted to snuggle with me on the couch, I said "Sure." instead of "Ima has to fold the laundry now."  And my heart felt so joyful in that moment.  And no one died because the laundry didn't get folded that day.   And I felt marginally better.  And happier.

So each week, I'm going to post here the one thing from my job I'm going to let slide just a little bit, and what it's going to make room for.  Because I really need it, you guys.  Parenting is hard, and full-time parenting is harder, for me at least.  And I really need your support.  Here's my very first "SuperIma Check-In."

This week, I'm going to serve some veggie chili we have stashed in the freezer for dinner one night, which will give me at least 45 minutes of "freed" time.  I'm going to spend 45 minutes uninterrupted by children, email, or internet, working on some writing I've been doing for pleasure.  The few times I've done that in the past couple of weeks, I've felt a small sense of accomplishment, and G-d knows I need that right now.


I'm inviting you to join in.  You don't have to link back to me, or follow any rules.  (I'll put a Mr. Linky, but you can just link to your post in the comments, or tell us about it in the comments.) Just tell us what you're going to do for yourself, and maybe what you're going to let slide a little bit.
You deserve it.  And I support you.


Yes, I realize that these are all what my dear Israeli bestie Hela calls "Tzarot Shel Ashirim" - "Problems of Rich People."  Trust me, David and I spend time every day feeling thankful for all our (many!) blessings.  But that doesn't negate the fact that I'm still having a tough adjustment period here, and I don't want to make myself feel guilty (er) for feeling that way.

I hope you'll forgive me for increasing my posts just a bit on the "Ima" side of "The Frugal Ima".  (And hey! If it really bothers you, you can stop reading.  I'm not monetized. ;))