tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post7944509075825491542..comments2024-01-09T02:22:42.765-08:00Comments on Closed - The Frugal Ima: Creating Monsters in Eight Nights - Chanukah and Gifts?Leigh Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-61559450340991146532010-12-21T10:44:25.346-08:002010-12-21T10:44:25.346-08:00I'm so glad to find your blog via Chaviva'...I'm so glad to find your blog via Chaviva's blog. My partner and I (both women) are very religious - Go to Ortho shuls, shomer shabbos, shomer kashrus, etc. We are foster parenting two non-Jewish boys. This was their first Chanukah, and I think we did it all wrong. We went all out with presents because we were so excited to be able to buy them stuff - We've been wanting to be parents for so long, plus they came with so little so they needed a lot. The problem is that our older boy (10) was opening the next present practically before he'd finished opening the first, and complaining if the present was at all "useful" (as opposed to a toy), and would ask "is that all?" almost every night. I know some of it is age appropriate, and some of it is special issues foster kids often have, etc... but it was obnoxious and made me feel like I had wasted a whole lot of money. I recently saw an amazing list of ways to make Chanukah more meaningful and I think next year we will change how we do it, making each night have a "theme" that involves the family doing some kind of project or some kind of mitzvah together and only very small gifts. Especially given that our boys, being Christian, get presents from Santa at X-mas time, too! (We celebrate it with non-Jewish relatives... we don't do it in our home). It's hard to know how to do this stuff right, to impart non-consumerist values and appreciation and humility in children (who are inherently selfish, egotistical, and ungrateful until successfully taught otherwise!)Brynalehhttp://ittakesashtetl.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-81594138914213261542010-12-09T05:43:13.884-08:002010-12-09T05:43:13.884-08:00our family also does the yearly purge to make way ...our family also does the yearly purge to make way for new toys. last year we took five bags of new books and toys that our kids had never touched since birth and drove them over to a shelter for women and children escaping abuse, where the moms could "shop" for them on holidays and birthdays. we talked then (and still do now) about giving things to people who don't have enough money to buy them, being a mensch, doing a mitzvah. even though my older child doesn't make the connection in the moment that he's pouting over a gift received or wanted, i'm holding out hope that it will balance in the end.Stephanie Finkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07609024745881220234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-13442337508183650242010-12-08T11:54:43.044-08:002010-12-08T11:54:43.044-08:00Oh, my, ladies! Thank you so much for your commen...Oh, my, ladies! Thank you so much for your comments and your support. I feel hugged all the way from Middle America, truly! <br /><br />I have had a lot of people say, "It's normal." That may be, but I'm going to use some of your suggestions to help make it not-so-normal at our house. <br /><br />Inoursmallgarden, thanks for the props on the shoes. :)<br />Lori, thanks for the suggestion that we get some gifts (yay!)<br />Stephanie, I would *totally* give a secondhand toy.<br />dmarie, thanks for reading. :)<br /><3 ladies!!!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-91888194615906939092010-12-08T11:48:54.523-08:002010-12-08T11:48:54.523-08:00FI, thank you for the peek into this lovely religi...FI, thank you for the peek into this lovely religious tradition. We faced the same type of problems as my daughter was growing up... Even if we didn't overload her with presents, once the extended family gifted her, it became TOO much! Getting her to go through her things to "make room" for her new things and donate so some other kiddos would be happy helped.Dmariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14689601569495984413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-47048435202374276482010-12-07T20:49:51.340-08:002010-12-07T20:49:51.340-08:00wowowowowowow, does this post resonate with me! m...wowowowowowow, does this post resonate with me! made worse by the fact that both my kids have winter birthdays, and will be getting gifts galore in a couple of weeks. i vowed only to get one (okay, maybe two) small gifts for each child. add that to what they get from savta and grandpa, saba, grandma and papa, great grandma, three sets of aunts and uncles and their accompanying children, we're ALMOST only at one per night. and STILL i find that the 79 cent hot wheel car my almost-four-year-old was obsessing over and was so elated about on the first night is not nearly as exciting as it would have been if it was the only gift. all of the special people in our lives love seeing (or hearing about) the fabulous smiles that come with a gift that is much appreciated. so they haven't been all that receptive to the pleas not to buy the kids anything.<br /><br />our nephew is getting a second-hand toy from us that he loved playing with at our house, and our other niece and nephew are getting invited over for a sleepover. i feel like the stingy auntie, though.Stephanie Finkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07609024745881220234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-24412839195019759142010-12-07T07:44:06.052-08:002010-12-07T07:44:06.052-08:00They won't be "damaged" by either de...They won't be "damaged" by either decision, they are tougher than you think! I would leave it open-ended by telling them that your family's tradition is you may or may not get gifts each night. And, designate a night where you as a family give to others, like the night you visited Bubbes and Zaydes.<br /><br />When Maddie and Marlana were little, they would give us "gift certificates" that might include letting us sleep in, doing a chore that they can handle, etc. That way even at your kids ages, they can give something to you and David.<br /><br />LoriLori Firemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07796414906893618007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2070129577285563757.post-85381607064111148032010-12-07T07:15:08.230-08:002010-12-07T07:15:08.230-08:00Oh, Leigh Ann, no, no, you are not creating monste...Oh, Leigh Ann, no, no, you are not creating monsters. It's simply not possible for the same ima who wrote the above post (every bit of which rings with love, honesty, humor, gratitude) to do so. Even if kids react to the presents - and they're little, who could expect otherwise? - I don't think it drowns out those much more powerful messages you're sending. <br /><br />I personally did not grow up getting gifts for Chanukkah or any chag really, except for an "afikoman surprise." I feel the way you do, that Chanukkah should not be about gifts and is not really a Jewish time for gift-giving. So...it's not part of the ritual at our house, BUT...it is in my husband's family. When we visit his family, my son gets presents. Last year my husband bought him something to give, this year not. I don't think it has to be absolute. You can always take gift-giving out of the ritual next year if you don't feel comfortable with it.<br /><br />And the shoes? Awesome.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com